A while back I read an article from a fellow blogger about why their family is not talking children about sex at an early age. She cited innocence and the “advantage” of homeschooling as reasons to wait. I respectfully disagree with her.
We should start talking to children about sex, sexuality and their bodies at an early age and with proper body part names.
When we teach our children how to behave in public, mind their manners at the table or in church or teach them how to prepare meals we know these conversations are ongoing, stretched out over time, sometimes years. Why do we think the complex topic of sex and sexuality would be limited to a few short conversations in early adolescence?
Children are naturally curious, we cannot “hush” them
Children are going to notice sexuality differences in boys and girls even at a young age. The truth is when we begin to explain these differences in age appropriate terms we are setting the foundation for sex and sexuality talks later on. We cannot escape that fact that children are going to inherently recognize girls are different than boys.
Teaching our sons to treat their female peers with respect and understand that they see and react to life differently is a lesson in sexuality. If we hush them we set the stage that gender and sex are taboo.
Intimacy is Holistic
As they grow children need to see intimacy modeled to them by their parents and other husband-wife couples. They need to know that intimacy is holistic. It isn't just about the physical act of sexual intercourse. Two goats can have sex but only a man and a woman can achieve sexual intimacy the way God intended it. Intimacy is built over time, it's a process that is complex and requires an understanding of God's view on sex and the workings of the opposite sex.
Sexual Curiosity is Not Isolated To Public School Children
To think that homeschooled children aren't going to be curious when there are opposite sex siblings and co-op kids around is foolish. Just because it doesn't come out of their mouth doesn't mean it isn't a thought. Secondly, if you don't hear them asking it just means they aren't asking you. Don't for one moment be fooled into thinking your nine, ten or eleven-year-old isn't wondering about sex, sexuality, and intimacy.
We are sexual beings. This is hard for parents to grasp because we don't want to think about little Johnny being aroused or little Susie wanting to know what her vagina is for. Guess what – God made us sexual. He created us to have a desire for sex that goes far beyond procreation.
Gender awareness starts between ages two and three and from there it continues incrementally and our own sexuality explodes in adolescence when hormones surge. Age-appropriate discussions are paramount for helping children process their physical and emotional feelings as they grow sexually. “The talk” is not a one-time thing if it is, we are failing our children.
Sexual Temptation Gains Less Hold When Exposed to The Light
Every one of us can be tempted sexually. Sure, you may not admit it, even to yourself but none of us is immune. Temptation is not a sin. When we close the door for sexuality conversations(or never open it) the temptations become the great grandparent of death.
Temptations give birth to actions, actions give birth to sin and sin gives birth to death.
More and more teens are admitting to same-sex sexual encounters. Those relationships first start out as temptations, just like the teens having opposite-sex sexual encounters. Consider with me for a moment if those children could have gone to their parents and discussed these temptations without their parents flying off the handle, getting beat red or shaming them to hell for being tempted.
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
~ 1 Corinthians 10:13
~ 1 Corinthians 10:13
Sex is Too Stigmatized In the Church
There's too much stigma around sex and sexuality in the church. Sex is a gift from God. Sex, between a married man and women, is holy. Talking to children in age-appropriate terms about age-appropriate aspects of sex, sexuality and intimacy is key to their healthy, biblical views of sexuality.
The reality is, children are going to hear about sex or think about the mechanics long before we're comfortable with discussing it. We need to be proactive as a church and be sure children know they can turn to us with their questions. Not only that, but we must initiate the conversation too. We can't wait for the questions to come we need to start answering them before they get asked.
Is There A Biblical Mandate for Sexual Education?
There's no biblical mandate on when we talk to our children. Each family needs to decide, with God's leading, when to begin discussions. When our son was three or four he asked how he got into my belly and I answered, in simple terms: “Daddy plants a seed inside Mommy. Mommy's body makes the seed grow.” It was a 2-sentence statement. That was probably 2 months ago. No diagrams of vaginas or penises, no graphic conversations.
Just a simple, answer to an honest question. I didn't cringe. I didn't say, “Oh hunny, we don't talk about stuff like that at your age!” and I didn't tell him a stork dropped him off at the front door.
The door is cracked, I control how far it opens, but he can push when he wants more information and I'll be there to explain.
Whatever you choose to do, please, please call your children's private parts by their proper names. If you can't say them without smirking, cringing or blushing you'd better get in front of a mirror and say, “Penis, penis, penis….” until you can.
God is not ashamed or grossed out by the body He designed, we can't be either. Talking to children about sex is not always easy, but it is godly and necessary.
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