Not everyone who needs restoration of sexual purity lost their purity willingly or unknowingly. Unfortunately, in the fallen world we live in, purity can be snatched from us in the most horrible of situations. Women who have been abused or assaulted often wonder if there's hope.
Can God restore someone after sexual assault?
Without a doubt, yes.
The beauty of God is that He does not care how purity is lost and is not bound by the circumstances of our lives. He restores and heals when we ask Him. It's never our fault, we never deserved it.
This is the story of God's power and restoration spoke from a sister in Christ who has found her healing……
“It is my pleasure to tell you about the miraculous signs and wonders that the Most High God has performed for me.” Daniel 4:2
It was my freshman year in college. Since I went to school 12 hours from home, I'd only been home once during the semester – Thanksgiving. So you can imagine how thrilled I was to head home for Christmas break, spend time with close friends, and enjoy Momma's home cooking.
I'd been home just a day or two when I went to a friend's house to hang out. She was excited to spend time catching up on life. We chatted and chatted, and time got away from us. I called my parents to ask if I could spend the night, since I didn't feel comfortable driving home at midnight. After some discussion, they agreed. Part of me wishes I would've just gone home.
You see, my friend (who was married) had a “housemate” – another friend who lived in a spare bedroom and paid rent every month. We were good friends, so I didn't think much of it. Yeah – he'd had a romantic interest in me previously, but I wasn't uncomfortable around him at all…
Around 12:30, the guys had already retired, so my friend and I headed our separate ways to sleep. I fell asleep quickly, but around 2 am I was in for a very rude awakening. The housemate/friend entered my room and proceeded to sexually assault me. I laid there – paralyzed – unsure what was going on or how to make it stop. After what seemed like an eternity, he assumed I had fallen back asleep and left.
I got up and left the next morning before he woke up. I told no one what had happened, and I went on with life. But the enemy of my soul — he would not let me go so easily. He planted lies into my thoughts – inescapable lies, like “It's your fault this happened; you should've locked the door.”
Two weeks later, I had lunch with another precious friend. During the course of our conversation, she caught on that something was very wrong. She pushed me WAY out of my comfort zone until I relented and told her. She then challenged me to tell my parents within a week… or she would for me.
I agreed, but the rest of the day was so difficult for me. One of the lies the enemy had fed me was just how upset my parents would be if I told them. I just knew Mom would flip out. And saying the words out loud of what had happened was more than I thought I could bear. So I wrote them a letter and left it on the table for when they got home… and promptly went to bed.
Thankfully, I have some amazing parents. When they read it, they came to my room — Mom in tears and Dad outraged (exact opposite of what I thought would happen). Mom called a friend of ours and asked if I could be “processed” that night – something like counseling, but the goal is to identify and loose strongholds and receive God's Spirit in their place. That was a long night of weeping.
But joy came in the morning (Ps. 30:5). All those lies? We identified them, bound any accompanying spirits, and the Holy Spirit replaced them with His Truth. The perpetrator? God showed me his perspective and why he made the choice he did… and, by His power, I was enabled to forgive him.
One of my biggest fears was dragging any psychological effects into marriage. I didn't want anything to separate me from my then-future husband. I knew of women who would break down in tears or recoil if their husbands touched them a certain way after having been sexually assaulted growing up. I didn't want that. So I asked God for something big, really big. I asked for complete healing and restoration. Not that I would forget the experience and the compassion I had gained for women and girls in similar circumstances, but that I would be whole. Ready to cleave fully to my husband with no hesitation. And you know what?
He did! I have been married nearly 3 years now, and I can gratefully say that He has given me beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, and peace for despair (Is. 61:3).
When I read Danielle's book, Restoring the Lost Petal, I was thrilled to see her discuss soul ties. Soul ties are emotional and spiritual ties that bind us to someone else whether or not an official “relationship” exists. It can happen with ex-boyfriends; it can happen with crushes, and it can even happen with perpetrators. If you have had a sexual encounter outside of marriage – wanted or unwanted – I highly recommend you purchase a copy of Restoring the Lost Petal. She relates with readers by telling her story, but she doesn't leave you there. She walks the path of freedom and healing with you. Even though our stories may not the same, our God is — and He longs for you to receive His healing touch.
The truth is: God wins. The enemy is working hard to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). He could have easily destroyed my life, leaving me powerless and overcome by shame. I praise God for a compassionate friend who did the hard thing and probed deep within me. Perhaps God will use Restoring the Lost Petal in your life in the same way.
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20
Kayla supports her husband (the aviation major) on the home front and attempts to keep up with their 2 children while learning what “homemaking” is all about. She enjoys laughing, reading, memorizing Scripture, and blogging the details of their journey at Renown and Crowned.
If you're struggling with recovery and restoration from your past sexual experiences, willful or no, I recommend these resources: