What is Proper Sexual Behavior?

f I were to ask 100 people what is right or proper sexual behavior I’d likely get 100 different answers. The same would be true if I asked those same 100 people what is “wrong” sexual behavior.

Right and wrong are subjective words. They reflect cultural bias, personal experience, and human reasoning. Look at any number of subject and you’ll see “right” and “wrong” are as varied as the hairstyles of the people you’ve asked.

Take, for example, the right diet. I believe a diet of real, whole, traditionally prepared foods is best for optimum health. My friend follows the paleo diet philosophy and another good friend is a vegetarian. Which one is right? We have all found positive health results with dietary changes we’ve made in our lives. Right and wrong are subjective to our personal experiences.

As we approach the subject of sexuality we see just as many styles, choices, preferences and opinions as we do in the nutrition world. And like the nutrition world, many of these positions are based on antidotal or experiential results. But unlike the foods we eat which affect us only physically, our view of sexuality and sexual behavior affect us physically, emotionally, spiritually and even financially.

The Best Sexual Behavior

Wonder with me as I think past right and wrong sexual behavior into a third, more powerful point of view. One that surpasses culture context, personal perception, and rationalism, and shines light into the dark realities of an over-sexualized world…..

What would such a model of sexual behavior look like? How would it be explained? How would it be lived out? How can it reach past cultural boundaries without alienating? How can it be true for the utmost virtuous virgin, the promiscuous porn star, and the helpless sex-trafficked teen?

The odds seem impossible. Is there one approach can fit us all, no matter what?

(Que the angelic voices.)

There is one approach that works for every one of us no matter what our past mistakes, experiences or teaching have been.

If we look at scripture, lean on God, and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal truth to us, we see that biblical sexual behavior is the only true approach we can take.

What is Biblical Sexual Behavior?

Biblical Sexual Behavior is the understanding of gender, sex and sexuality from a biblical perspective as well as actions that line up with biblical truth about gender identity, sexuality, marriage and sexual intimacy. 

When we see sexual intimacy, gender, and sexuality from a biblical perspective we find healing for our past, nourishing truth for the present and a thriving future. If you have a checkered sexual past, God’s word speaks truth. If you have a sheltered sexual past, God’s word provides guidance. If you have a religious view of sexuality God’s word provides freedom, truth, and guidelines.

This is why I love the Word of God. It does not matter what you struggle with, have questions about or are currently believe is true, His word guides us to into all truth including the truth about sexual behavior.  As we seek to understand His word we will find the truth we need to understand our sexuality, spot lies of the enemy and enjoy sexual interactions with our spouse. Yes, sex is meant to be enjoyed and even anticipated.

The World and The Church…Mixed Messages

From abortion-advocate extraordinaire Margaret Sanger to Alfred Kinsey, who said “The only unnatural sex act is the one you cannot perform”, it’s hard to ignore the worldly influences that have an effect our sexual education and sexual mindset.

Margaret Sanger was a huge advocate not only of abortion but of birth control and women’s liberation to be “in control” of their sex lives. Now, it goes without saying that no woman should be forced to have sex or raped by anyone, including their husband but sadly, the viewpoint of Margaret Sanger was to liberate women with birth control and abortion, as a means of birth control, so they could have sex anytime they pleased, with anyone they pleased.

Oh, and here's a winner from the 60's and 70's, Ti-Grace Atkinson; “The institution of sexual intercourse is anti-feminist.” Ti-Grace Atkinson, Amazon Odyssey, Links Books, 1974, p. 86.

Is it any wonder many adults today don't know what to think about sex? Is it right or wrong? Dirty? Healthy? Not much is clear from the world.

Enter the church.

I wish I could tell you that the church has been the long-standing voice of reason in the area of sexual behavior. Sadly what we find is either silence, shameful accusations or abuse of scripture to fulfill a misguided mindset.

Often thought of a duty we bear begrudgingly to our husbands, sex was sometimes demonized by the church. How dare we enjoy or embrace our feminine sexuality in any way.

Martin Luther was off base when he said, “Intercourse is never without sin, but God excuses it by his grace because the estate of marriage is his work.”

And St. Jerome “wisely,” said this; “Do you imagine that we approve of any sexual intercourse except for the procreation fo children? He who is too ardent a lover of his own wife is an adulterer.” (emphasis mine)

These types of “right” and “wrong” thoughts about sex, sexuality, and sexual behavior have left us confused, condemned and in bondage. Wrong doctrine has led to wrought iron shackles around hearts, souls, and sex lives.

The problem with all of the aforementioned authorities is that they were either:

• not looking at God’s word (at all),
• they were clearly not meditating on and studying the scriptures or;
• filtering truth through the lens of their past experiences and declaring a false truth.

It’s like saying that the Bible says all fruit trees are bad because Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It simply isn’t so.

The Bible has much to say about sexual behavior if we care to examine, apply sound hermeneutics and let Holy Spirit replace worldly opinion with biblical Truth.

The world is screaming sex. Yet, the church at large sits silently by allowing our youth to be educated by the government and media. Not only that but they allow parents to struggle alone through their shortcomings and past mistakes as families and marriage fail to thrive as Christ intended them to. All because we are scared to talk about one of the most intrinsic parts of our being – sexuality.

Let’s trumpet truth louder than the world can wave lies!

Have more questions? Check out the newest book by Dr. Juli Slattery