Having a physical or emotional affair has lasting effects on families. Trust is broken, hearts are wounded and walls are put up. Emotions range from shame to anger, even hatred. Bonds are broken between husband and wife and they can take years to mend, even with biblical counseling. Not only are bonds broken, but bonds are created. Unhealthy, bonds are formed between the parties involved in the affair, even if it was emotional and one-sided.
A reader asked if, after an affair, there was any way to save his marriage from the ties that now bound his wife to this other man.
Soul ties can be broken, demonic chains can be released and marriages can heal after an affair but much work is involved. Before any work begins, both husband and wife must realize that the affair's consequences are far-reaching and the rebuilding process is likely not an easy one.
The Deciding Factors
Before healing can begin the deciding factors is these:
- Is the spouse who cheated ready to deal with the dark side of healing?
- Is the spouse who has been cheated on ready to move into a place of forgiveness and work toward healing?
For some couples, this comes quickly and easily. The art of forgiveness comes easily to some. Holy Spirit moves quickly and wounds begin to heal. Other times, wounds are deep and they echo off things from the past, creating even more open wounds and Holy Spirit moves gently, revealing and healing things one at a time.
The healing process is a great mystery.
Beginning the Healing Journey to A Restored Marriage
There is no one set of steps that assure your marriage will be rebuilt. I can't give you a 5-step format to follow and guarantee success. I wish I could but God does not work that way. Instead, I'll give you some things to consider as you walk through this journey.
Forgiveness is crucial on both sides
- The offender must forgive themselves, their lover and accept God's forgiveness
- The offended must forgive the offender, their lover and accept that God will forgive them
Yes, you can move past this
- You some marriages end in divorce after an affair. Like it or not, this is reality, it doesn't mean it has to be your reality. If you are both committed to moving forward you can get through this and you are not going to have it hanging over your heads for the rest of your lives.
Soul ties must be broken
- Call them what you will, bonds, ties or whatever name you want, God's design for sexual intercourse is that it will create a lasting bond between the two. The spiritual principle of bonding is real regardless of if the sexual encounter is biblical or not.
Wise Counsel is necessary
- This is not something you need to walk through alone. Seeking biblical Christian counseling does not mean you're a failure. It means you're wise. The Bible tell us it is wise to seek counsel.
Man's infidelity does not cancel out God's beautiful design for intimacy
- This time is not going to be easy but always, always remember that God's design for marriage and intimacy has not changed because of the free will of others. Your marriage is meant to be an intimate relationship.
- Restoration of this intimate bond will take time and willful participation on both sides
Never stop seeking God for your life
- This is not the time to stop focusing on your own relationship with Christ. There may be turbulent times ahead in the healing process and you will need to rely on the Lord to take you through them.
The road to healing may be short or it may be long, only God knows. If you going through the pain of an affair don't do it alone. Reach out to God, reach out to godly people who can support you. Lend heavy on the arms of Christ and let Him carry you, your spouse and your marriage.
Wives and Moms – be sure to check out this printable from Thrive Ministries – Monthly prayer calendars. One for your husband and one for your child(ren) each with a daily prayer topic and short prayers.