This is a call to the women of the church. Living the Christian life is not all about your walk and your victories. If we are really being the church, we will rise up and help those around us who are struggling. We will be the confidant and friend with whom a struggling and searching sister can share her secrets and her struggles.
When I was a smoker I only smoked socially. I could quite literally smoke a pack a night at the club on Thursday, Friday and Saturday and not touch a cigarette the rest of the week if I wanted to. Some days I would, some days I wouldn't. The urge to light up, the nicotine addiction just wasn't there for me. I would scoff jokingly at friends and coworkers who tried unsuccessfully to quit. The addiction factor was foreign to me. Later after I quit cold turkey, it really seem odd that someone could struggle yet we know that nicotine addiction is real and it effects of 40-million people just in the United States.
Perhaps your sex life is thriving. You and your husband are passionate both in and out of the bedroom and if there were hangups from your past, they have been dealt with and destroyed. Maybe you are comfortable with your sexuality and so struggling with the Do's and Dont's of biblical sexuality has never been an issue. The idea that someone could struggle might seem foreign to you. Maybe you judge those of us who write passionately about biblical sexuality because we bring light things that should be left under the covers.
I assure you, the struggles are real.
There's an oft-referenced chapter in Titus, especially among more conservative Christians, that tells older men and women to teach and train younger generations the right ways of living. Many see these passages as a way to show the women should remain at home and be subject to their husbands. I see much more. I see the passing down of wisdom from generation to generation. I see those who have “been there, done that” teaching others from their failures and successes.
Biblical sexual behavior should matter to you for the Chrisitan men and women around you who are struggling secretly with guilt, shame or unanswered questions. If we are the Church we must begin addressing the questions that most people are thinking. Keeping sexual intimacy hush-hush has not served the church well and it never will.
Helping Your Sisters in Christ
If a sister in Christ confided in you that she was struggling with her sexuality could you answer these questions biblically:
- Why do guys care so much about sex?
- How do I know he is the one?
- What's wrong with a little mommy porn in print?
- Can I be godly and gay?
- Is masturbation a sin?
In February of 2015, I attended a Pulling Back the Shades conference where Dr. Juli Slattery spoke. At the end of the conference, they had an anonymous Q & A session where women texted in questions about sex and sexual intimacy. This was a church full of women who, for the most part, were regular church attendees, who heard and read the Word of God and yet the questions they asked made my heart ache.
One woman said something like this, I've been in church most of my life, yet I struggle with masturbation on a daily basis. I don't know how to stop.
Struggles with sexuality and sexual temptation is not a secular problem, it's a human being problem. The enemy lies to those in the world and those in the church. The solution is a church and a wise generation that can share biblical truth without blushing or fumbling with the pages of their Bible.
A Light for the Lost
I remember when I first starting taking my relationship with Jesus seriously. I was “living in sin” with my boyfriend. I was still drinking and clubbing on the weekends and yet there was a dear woman of God, slightly older than I, who was always there to answer my questions. I remember her taking me to the Christian bookstore and helping me pick out my Bible. I still use that Bible today. She didn't have it all figured out and her family had struggles of their own but past that I could see the women cared about me. She knew I didn't have my life together, but she guided me when I asked and prayed when I didn't. She influenced the landscape of my life even when major renovation was still needed.
Witnessing to the lost and confused is often about building relationships. You get to know someone and eventually you are going to be their go-to person for spiritual questions. Could you answer a confused person's questions about sexuality:
- Is living together a good test run for marriage?
- Does forgiveness mean I'll be hurt again?
- Why doesn't God want me to be happy?
- Who are you to judge my sexual choices?
Two Sides, One Big Problem
I've illustrated two scenarios above; women in the church, and women in the world, but every one fo these questions can apply to either life. Confusion about sexuality does not sit in one camp or the other. It affects us all. The solution is for the church to be the go-to leader in sexual behavior.
You are the hands and feet of the body of Christ. I encourage you to equip yourself and learn how to answer these questions so you can guide the women in your life. Be a Titus 2 woman.
All of these questions and more are answered in the new book 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery. This isn't a great reference book to keep on your shelf so you can help other women. It's a must have if you witness to the lost or have godly friends who still don't have it all figured out.