Wouldn't it be amazing if we could quote chapter and verse for the things that are biblically permissible and biblically forbidden when it comes to sex? A nice neatly packaged passage of scripture would set our minds at ease. And if you’re like me, a detailed list of do’s and don’ts fits well into my box of organization and planning. A spreadsheet is even better.
Would you be surprised to know that God’s list of do not's isn’t very long and his list of do’s is even shorter?
Why would God give us only a few “rules” for sexual contact when we know he thinks so highly of sexual intimacy and wants us to keep it pure. We can wonder and wander about how if there were more rules we wouldn't have such a sexualized culture today, but we'd be wrong.
We are not of the world
It’s hard to separate the world from our bedroom but the reality is what we see and hear about in the world from Bruce Jenner becoming a woman to 50 Shades of Grey is not a representation of true sexuality and sexual passion. The world is Satan’s playground and he has bastardized every aspect of sex, sexuality,and passion.
I admit, it’s hard to walk through the world (okay just the grocery store) and not be left with a negative impression of all thing sexual. But we are not to be of the world. We are not to think like the world thinks or act as the world acts.
We know God’s opinion on sex, and we know how to serve one another sexually. We should have an understanding that sex is right and good and pure so now we can go about understanding and deciding what is best for our marriage.
The Boundaries He Gives Are Sufficient
Sadly, the temptation to add to God’s list of boundaries is strong and some in the Church have taken liberty to give more detailed lists. If we are students if His word and servant lovers desiring pure hearts and continually renewing our minds there is no need for long lists.
Here's an example:
Kale chips are a healthy, convenient snack that can be made in many varieties. I have bought and made my own kale chips several times. I’ve tried several different seasoning blends and made them in the oven and the dehydrator.
No matter how I make kale chips, I cannot stomach them. They’re just awful.
Like food, the flavors of sex are varied and different flavors appeal to different people. God has not boxed in sex any more than He has boxed in the foods we love. No one would argue that if a food tastes good, is healthy and beneficial for the body that we should not partake. Yet like my kale chips, some food is just not appealing to certain people.
So it is with sexually. We are all unique with different likes and dislikes. Remember, you are not an oops. The beauty of God’s sufficient boundaries is they allow you and your husband to create a healthy and satisfying sex life.
He is Not a Sexual Killjoy
God is not waiting in Heaven to strike you down when you try a new position, have sex on the back porch swing or cop a feel in the hallway while the kids are playing in their room. Sex is given to us as a gift from God to be enjoyed thoroughly. He delights in seeing us sexually satisfied. And since we’re are created unique, that satisfaction must be figured out on our own, with our spouse. A list will do us no good.
So what does God say yes and no to? Chapter six of Passion Pursuit digs into the most sought after answers Christian women have about sex and sexuality. In the Bible Study we dig into scenarios and thought-provoking questions about God’s yes’s and no’s but here is a shortened list of God’s rules for sex.
God’s Sexual No’s
God’s No’s may surprise you in that, you probably already know them. They’re plain as can be in scripture:
- Adultery – sex with someone other than your spouse
- Orgies – sexual relations with multiple people at once
- Prostitution – paying for sex
- Homosexuality – sex with someone of the same gender
- Fornication – from the Greek porneia meaning unclean sex (sex outside marriage, prostitution)
- Sodomy – men having sex with men
- Impurity – becoming defiled, losing one’s virginity (outside marriage), moral uncleanness
- Lustful Passions – giving into lustful desires outside marriage
- Obscenity – sexual innuendo with someone other than your spouse, sex jokes in a public setting
- Incest – sex with relatives
As you can see, it’s a fairly straight-forward list.
Answering the question of what God says yes to isn’t quite as cut and dry as you may like.
Obviously whenever you’re considering must not be in the list above and beyond that there’s more you can ask about each thing you may want to do or try. I really want to dig into God’s yes’s a in a bit more depth so next time we’ll look at evaluating what God says yes to.