I watched an interview with Gene Simmons where he made the comment that women are the backbone of the family, not men. Feminists are calling him sexist for his comments (which I find ironic since feminists are all about empowering women). Anyway….
On the surface, his comment might sound true. After all, my majority it is the wife and mother who does the cooking, cleaning, home organization and chauffeuring. Stay at home moms set the tone of the home with their words and actions, they may be responsible for the home education and more and so it could be said, she is the backbone.
From the world's view, expect those angry feminists, it also looks like a true statement. Women have the most buying power, we make more financial decisions, have the babies, juggle work and home, and call the shots on many things.
The problem with deciding which sex is stronger in the marriage is that it is measuring one sex against the other. Who is stronger? Who is smarter? Who is wiser? Who is better?
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ~ Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
If I am one flesh with my husband how can either one of us be better than the other? Is your arm better than your leg? Does your brain not fully rely on your blood to carry oxygen to it yet your brain is not weak for depending on the blood.
The backbone of the family is not man or woman, it's God.
A cord of three strands is not easily broken. Man and woman need total dependence on God in order for the family to thrive. If we depended solely on a one spouse what would happen to the family if one spouse died, or left? Families fall apart in the midst of such tragedies because of dependence on man(kind) and not on God. I know a wonderful woman of God who is raising her daughter alone. They are a family. Of course, she wants a husband and godly father for her daughter but the dangerous situation she was in lead her to depend on God not a man to complete her family.
Broken Homes, Broken Advice
Gene gives the advice that women should have their careers first and relationships second. He gives two seemingly logical reasons:
- Men leave, and therefore
- Women need to be financially able to take care of themselves and their children
Again, from a world-view this is probably the wisest thing to do. Men, even self-profession Christian men, leave their wives for greener grass and open pastures every day. A woman with no leg to stand on will have a hard time. I remember being told a woman I worked for once that I should never, ever be dependant on a man for anything. This stayed with me for many years and it only grew the chip on my shoulder that I had from not knowing my father.
While I don't agree that a career and “fortune” as Gene says, are key to success, I do agree that a woman needs to know and understand how to do things. Total dependence on a man for everything from balancing the checkbook to checking the water softener salt is not good. Just as it is not good for a husband to not know how to make scrambled eggs or where to find the headache medicine without his wife.
The world is full of single parents doing their absolute best, relying on God to give them strength to create a sound home environment. This is where the church must step up and become the answer to the single parent. Gaining financial independence is a biblical model in or out of a marriage. A wife doesn't need to stash money for when he leaves, she needs to know how to be a good steward of God's resources marriage, divorced or widowed. Because if she has formed the habit of biblical stewardship it won't matter her marital status, she will be a good steward and know how to handle her finances.
Dependent Yet Independent
We can be dependent on our spouse and yet still independent and able to stand alone. When my husband was in the hospital with what we thought was heart-related issues, I realized I could have faced a time of being the sole manager of our home and property if he would have needed surgery. I would like to think that I know how to manage things from the water softener system to cleaning the chicken coops and taking care of other odds and ends things. I don't bother with those things on a regular basis, I depend on him to do them but if I was met with a time when I had to do it I could.
The same goes for my husband. I can't tell you the last time he did laundry (yes I can….he washed his hunting clothes), but he knows how if the need arises. He can do dishes and he can make an amazing meatloaf. He independent if he needs to be but he depends on me for those things on a regular basis.
Dependence on your spouse is not a sign of weakness, nor is independence a sign of selfishness, the balance of both is the sign of a strong bond between husband, wife and God.
There is a balance in marriage, it's God's balance. Man nor woman are meant t o carry the load, make all the decisions or depend fully on the other spouse. Instead, each one is to remain submitted to Christ in all things. When we're humble, He will show us our strengths and weaknesses. He will guide us into a balanced marriage when we submit fully to Him first. A godly man isn't looking for power in controlling his wife. A godly woman isn't being a martyr to her husband to gain approval. Instead, the two of them, hand in hand lay down their lives to Christ who picks them up and molds them into a cord of three strands.