What do you do when your husband won't stop watching porn? This is an issue many marriages face, even Christian marriages. When your husband won't stop watching porn you are faced with several tough truths. Some give the advice to just ignore it, turn your head or accept what he does as his hobby. Other say you should demand he stop, you're worth more.
I won't disagree, you are worth more but if you've caught your husband using porn and he won't' stop, you can't make irrational decisions or decisions based on lies of the enemy. Here are seven things you need to know as you walk this road:
Truths You Need When Your Husband Won't Stop Watching Porn
Truth #1: It's Not About You
The old cliche, “it's not you, it's me” applies to this. Porn has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. The enemy will quickly whisper in your ear all the reason his porn watching is your fault:
- You're too fat
- You're too ugly
- You're too naive
- You're too inexperienced
- You're too experienced
- You're not adventurous enough
- You were too adventurous before marriage
- You're too uptight
- You're too worried about other things
The list will go on forever but the truth is this: His willingness to give into temptation and step into the world of pornography led to his porn addiction. The temptation was not the sin, the sin was giving into the temptation and continuing to sin over and over again.
Truth #2: His Issue Is With God
His real issue isn't with you, it's with God. Deep down there's an offense or anger toward God that allows him to think he doesn't need to submit this area of his life to God. You can be a scapegoat, he may try to blame his problems on your marriage, lack of fulfillment and on and on but at the end of the day, it's him and God who need to work it out.
Truth #3: You Cannot Change Him
When your husband won't stop watching porn you can't force him with threats, sulking, crying, losing weight, getting a facelift or having an affair. Like alcoholism, admitting there's a problem is the first step. Some men don't admit this until they're found out. While this isn't the answer we all want, it often does lead to true repentance because once the hole is dug, many can't find their own way back out.
Other men have no remorse and their heart is hard. You can't change him, stop trying.
Truth #4: He Is Cheating On You
I don't say this to give you an easy way out. There is no easy when it comes to deciding how much cheating you'll tolerate or what you'll do in light of the revelation that it is cheating. Remember truth #3, threats won't work. Don't throw around the words divorce or separation unless you've prayed through them and had some individual counseling.
On the other hand, don't let anyone, including your pastor, preacher or priest convince you that porn is not cheating. It is cheating. It's digital prostitution, as Luke Gilkerson calls it.
Truth #5: He Has An Addiction
It would be easy to reason away divorce because he's cheating but see this through the lens of what pornography really is: an addiction much like heroin or meth. Many marriages cannot overcome the porn addiction but some can. You need to be sure you have a clear understanding that this is an addiction problem. The drug of choice matters not.
Truth #6: His Problem Must Be Called To Attention
This is a hard one. You may want to keep the problem a secret but the reality is his porn use will not get better hidden in the darkness of secrecy. His porn problem must be brought to the attention of godly men (and women) who can pray for him. He needs a pastor or good friend that is willing to confront him about his issue. Intervention is sometimes necessary, just like it is with substance abuse.
You need support and the only way you can get it is by exposing his addiction to those who can help you.
When your husband won't stop watching porn you have hard decisions ahead of you. Understanding the truth about the situation won't make these decisions easier but they will guide you and in deciding what is best for your situation.