I used to wonder why. When I was younger I thought maybe you were afraid. Then I got older, I thought maybe you were just too narcissistic to care about anyone but yourself. Some years I thought it was my fault.
Some years I was mad and saw all men as walk away Joe's because after all, when your own Dad won't love you, who else will?
Some years I was angry and filled with hate. I wished I could find you and show you what you missed.
Some years I was medicating with affection from the wrong people.
Finally, I realized the reason doesn't matter. It's none of my concern. I realized that you made a choice. I could no more control your choice then I can control the weather. You might have been afraid when you ran. Maybe you're still running; a life marked with short-lived relationships and a trail of tears. Maybe you are narcissistic and have never given me a passing thought, ever.
It does not matter.
A Father's love is the single most important thing anyone of us can know. To know that Daddy is there when you fall, waiting to catch you when you take a leap of faith into the pool. Walking you down the aisle, cheering you on when life is hard and holding your hand when you can hold back the tears – that is what we daughter's long for.
You missed these things in my life but my Daddy did not.
I have been blessed with a great stepfather and my grandfather was the best man I know. But I have even more than that.
My Daddy saw every laugh, caught every tear, rejoiced when I found restoration and filled the atmosphere when I gave my heart to the man of my dreams. He was in that hospital room when our son took his first breath, the grandson you'll never know. He was there cheering me on and protecting me even when I was running away from Him.
I understand it now. Your lack of presence in my life is not a reflection of who I am. It no longer drives me, it no longer shadows my steps. My identity has nothing to do with your choice.
A Father's love has taken on a whole new meaning since becoming a mother. I realize the tangible effect a good father has on a child and I see clearly now how it reflects Daddy's love for us.
I could not crawl on your lap when I was sad or scared, but I have a perfect Papa and I know what is like to be loved and held by the Father.
I had to forgive you many times. I have released you from your mistakes. I don't write this out of anger or hate, I write it because there are other men, like you, who have left daughters and those daughters are harboring hate and guilt. They need to know that it's okay to be mad. It's okay to cry. It's natural to think that you did something wrong; that you're unlovable.
You are worth it!
You are worth the cross. Jesus did not die for the nuclear family. He died for the individual; the one. He died so you could have a relationship with the Father that cares more than even the best earthly dad could ever care. You cannot move forward if you're holding on to that hatred. When hatred enters, it is like a cancer. It becomes your driving force. You either destroy those around you or you destroy yourself. I did both for a number of years and it does not help.
He may never change but HE never changes.
Don't expect too much of him because he's just a human. He could be selfish, wounded, afraid, narcissistic, it really doesn't matter. Because when you believe you have a Father who is unchanging, all-powerful, all-knowing, merciful, just and sovereign (just to name a few) you have all you need. You do not need to find love, Love has found you! All you need to do is receive it!
There is a Father who is waiting for you to run into His arms.
If you're feeling fatherless on Father's Day, I encourage you to seek out your true Father. You can yell, you can scream, you can cry. He gets it. Jesus knows the pain of rejection. Don't look at Father's Day in disgust. Look at it as a day to rejoice that you have the best Dad in the whole universe!
You are not fatherless on Father's Day. You are a daughter of the King with a Daddy who adores you more than life itself.
See Father's Day as a celebration. It's about rejoicing that I have a Daddy who is with me always and it's about praying for those who don't yet realize there's nothing missing in their lives – they just need to look at the cross.